for this bag.
March 13, 2010
Lady Gaga when I grow up.
March 9, 2010
Cried all night ’til there was nothin’ more
What use am I as a heap on the floor?
Human Devotion but its just no good
taking it hard just like you know i would
old habits die hard when you got, when you got a sentimental heart Piece of the puzzle, you’re my missing part Oh what can you do with a sentimental heart?
Cried all night ’til there was nothin’ more
What use am I as a heap on the floor?
Heaving devotion but it’s just no good
taking it hard just like you knew I would
old habits die hard when you got, when you got a sentimental heart
Piece of the puzzle, you’re my missing part
Oh what can you do with a sentimental heart?
Cried all night ’til there was nothin’ more
What use am i as a heap on the floor
Heaving devotion but it’s just no good
Taking it hard just like you knew I would
March 3, 2010
in everything and everywhere.”
February 2, 2010
February 2, 2010
January 31, 2010
I thought I knew what I wanted. Now, suddenly, I’m not sure…
November 17, 2009
How can I hope to make you understand
Why I do what I do,
Why I must travel to a distant land,
Far from the home I love.
Once I was happily content to be
As I was, where I was,
Close to the people who are close to me,
Here in the home I love.
Who could see that a man could come
Who would change the shape of my dreams.
Helpless now I stand with him,
Watching older dreams grow dim.
Oh, what a melancholy choice this is,
Wanting home, wanting him,
Closing my heart to ev’ry hope but his,
Leaving the home I love,
There where my heart has settled long ago
I must go, I must go, I must go,
Who could imagine I’d be wand’ring so
Far from the home I love
Yet there with my love, I’m home.
October 27, 2009
I hid myself from failure and fear
O my dear you’re a threat to the bad in us all
They tell themselves that each word from your lips
Or the grace in your eyes overcomes any fall
Over the twilight you’re listening for me
Darling, go to sleep
Cradled by moonlight, I’m dreaming we’ll be
Loved so deep
Floating and fighting, like a kite on a string
Till you cut through my tether and changed everything
From the sky you looked small, but I loved you the same
So I darted back quickly to spell out your name
And when they say that I’m just a terrible kite
You’ll tell them you’re proud of my marvelous flight
Don’t hide yourself inside till I’m old
O my dear you’re a threat to the bad we all see
I’m beside myself for the touch of your lips
Or the grace of your eyes that can see good in me
Over the twilight you’re listening for me
Darling, go to sleep
Cradled by moonlight, I’m dreaming we’ll be
Loved so deep
Floating and fighting, like a kite on a string
Till you cut through my tether and changed everything
From the sky you looked small, but I loved you the same
So I darted back quickly to spell out your name
And when they say that I’m just a terrible kite
You’ll tell them you’re proud of my marvelous flight
October 25, 2009
That I haven’t updated my blog in nearly a month. So much of something and nothing has been going on, that I guess blogging doesn’t come easily.
Tuesday I returned from a visit to PA. It snowed. and it still is the most beautiful place in the world in autumn. The water heater broke, and it was on the 30′s but life went on and we did my favorite fall activity, GOING TO THE PUMPKIN PATCH! And all in all, there is something very romantic about the North East (especially in fall/winter) that I crave with every fiber of my being. Something magical, something peaceful. I feel different there. I didn’t have one panic attack while I was there, I slept until 11 some days. For those who aren’t my roommates or my boyfriend, it is quite uncommon for me to be able to genuinely sleep past 3 am, some nights I can’t sleep well at all. This isn’t to say the time was free of stress, it was actually the contrary considering the water heater and other familial issues, but it didn’t effect me in the same way. I can’t get this out of my head. I keep thinking maybe there is an innate part of me, an innate part of my brain, that needs to be there? In that region, near those people? Maybe I am not as resilient as I once thought myself, maybe I am not the hopeless wanderer, the go everywhere, live everything, experience all person I felt I was. Maybe I need home for a while. Maybe I just need to move on to the next phase of my life…I’m so torn between these two thoughts, the thought of picking up and leaving Columbia to go somewhere and start over new and the thought of picking up and leaving Columbia to go home. My thoughts are consumed with these options, like it hasn’t been in a long time. My itch to leave was calmed for sometime because, admittedly, my life here in Columbia is good. I have a great boyfriend, a great job, great friends, great roommates, great house, I’m involved in a church, I have people who treat me like family…what else can I ask for? The answers to all my questions allude me because ultimately, I’m not sure what else I am looking for. I don’t know what I ultimately want or where to go from here because I have what most people are looking for at my age…now what? Where do I wander now? I found all the things society tells you you need, all the things I thought I needed. I found them and they didn’t give me purpose…
As a Christian I am supposed to say I have one purpose or that I feel a sense of purpose. But I cannot force one thing in my life to giving me an all encompassing feeling of purpose. Am I wrong in that?
